Freedom in Words.

Todays post is just short and sweet.


Today, I find Freedom in the word Benign. :)

Freedom in Letting Out the Old, and Bringing in the New.

I've been really bad at keeping this blog updated on a constant basis... Oops. :) But I really don't feel like my life is exciting enough to be posting daily haha. I will have you know though, I did make it on time to my appointment last Wednesday! I was in fact a good 45 minutes early, just to be safe. :) Haha. That appointment was the most recent one I've had and was a consult with the Breast Cancer Specialist I was referred to by the imaging clinic. After another breast exam, the nurse practitioner sat my Mom and I down and went over the surgical procedures with us and answered what questions she could for us. We still have yet to know if the tumor is cancer or not. It's hard to tell whether it is or not from just ultra sound images, so I'm set up for an appointment for a biopsy (for sure this time!) on Friday afternoon. (A biopsy is where they take a hollow needle about as thick as the tip of a ball point pen, and inject it into the tumor where it than takes tissue samples that will later be studied under a microscope by a Pathologist. The size of the cells and how quickly they're growing/multiplying, will determine whether the tumor is malignant (cancerous) or benign (not cancerous.) Because of the size of my tumor, they will be taking four passes of tissue samples from the tumor and than send them off to a pathologist to be examined over the weekend. This process usually takes three to four days for the results to return from the lab so they said we will get the results back most likely on Tuesday the 24th. If everything goes as planned, after the results from the biopsy return, they will than schedule my surgery to remove the tumor. The thought of having a piece of my body taken out of me (reguardless of whether it's a big or small, bad or good) is a little weird to think about.. but hey, it's the beginning of a new year; out with the old and in with the new.. Literally. :) Over the last week I also got to go back to work and spend time with some friends. I can honestly say I was so happy to go back to work. I love my job, not many people get to say that. I was really glad to get back to the clinic, the staff and the patients. It was also nice to be around friends again since I've layed pretty low since this all came my way. They have all been really good about being supportive, but not treating me differently. I'm very blessed to be surrounded by the great family, friends and co-workers in my life.

Today, I find freedom in letting out the old and bringing in the new.
Today, I find freedom in the people that surround me.

Freedom in Song.

Today I was home with my Mom and little brothers and just got to relax and work on some school work. So many people have continued to reach out to me, lending their support. More people stopped by today, bringing flowers, hugs, food (home made bread? Heck yes!) and gifts. I really can't express how thankful I am for the out pouring of love and support people continue to give us, it means so much and I am so thankful for all of your kind hearts. I have my Doctors appointment tomorrow morning, lets hope we can make it there on time. Haha. :)

A friend of mine showed me this song on Sunday and I haven't gotten the chance to share it until now. It's a really beautiful song and I just love, Love, LOVE it because it's so applicable to every person, because we ALL go through things. And no matter how much we may feel like we are at times, we're honestly never alone.

Today, I find freedom in this song.

Freedom in Love and Happiness.

Today was my 18th birthday. It didn't start off exactly as I hoped but it didn't end how I had thought it would either. I woke up around five this morning throwing up. I'm not sure if it was my nerves getting the best of me or just some kind of stomach bug, but it wasn't how I had hoped to start my day. In spite of that I got dressed and ready for my doctors appointment. Before I left, my little brothers each gave me a hug and gave me each a present. Max, the littlest guy, gave me a stuffed animal puppy to cuddle in times I need comfort, and a little rubber squishy that I can squeeze in times of frustration.

Hinck, my other little brother, gave me this necklace in the picture above. It has lucky charms on it (i.e. a mini four leaf clover, heart, key, crystal and horse shoe.) to wear for good luck because hey, we all can use a bit of luck, right?

With a coke in hand to help my stomach and the images from my ultra sound, my parents and I left for the docs. We ended up being late to the appointment because I couldn't stop throwing up. Because we were late, the Dr. wouldn't see us and rescheduled me for the next available appointment she had for Wednesday morning. The frustration of not being able to get into the Dr. and know that this would set back my surgery to at least another week was something I at first was having a really hard time with. On the way home my parents and I discussed our options. I could either wait until Wednesday to get into the Doctor, or an alternative had come up that we could go out to Missouri. A friend of my Dad is an OBGYN in Missouri and has been working with me since the start of this. She offered for us to come out to Missouri and get me in as soon as tomorrow for biopsies and possibly into surgery as early as Wednesday. We decided to all think it through for a bit and than decide whether we would go to Missouri or stay and just wait it out. By this point I was frustrated and so emotionally, mentally and physically tired. All I wanted to do was sleep.

When i came home, I came home to the best surprise that turned my whole entire day around.

One of my best friends Mary (and her Mom) had come and decorated my house and bedroom with streamers, balloons, signs, a card and gift.

(Not to mention they made my bed, too.)

The present she had left me was a fuzzy pair of slippers and bath robe, a card, a picture of us and a lot of chap stick. (If you know me well, you know chap stick is always a must have for me. Always.) On the back of the picture she had written,

'Always Be Happy'

Those three simple words changed my whole day, and my whole perspective. Always. Be. Happy. I know just like everyone else, I have my good days and bad ahead of me but no matter what, I've promised myself that from now on in my heart; I will Always Be Happy. So for the rest of the day, that's exactly what I was, happy.

Through out the remainder of the day I was so overwhelmed by the love and comfort I felt as people have reached out to me via emails, text messages, wall posts/messages on my facebook, flowers, cards, phone calls and people stopping by my house. People mentioning their struggles they've been through too and how they've over come them. People offering their support and love and people telling me that they have me in their thoughts and prayers and wishing me a happy birthday. I feel so blessed and so thankful for each and every person (whether they're close to me or just know my name,) that have reached out to me and my family. I love you all and am so thankful for your kind hearts and selflessness. I am so thankful that my Savior has placed such amazing people in my life that I love and that love me and my family and I can lean on for support.

 My parents and I decided to go with our first option and stay here and wait for my Wednesday appointment. I'm actualy really grateful to be at home in my own bed tonight and not in a hotel room in Missouri, just because there is nothing like the comfort of your own room. I spent the rest of the day spending time with my family.. and sleeping.. and spending time with my family.. and sleeping. :)  Though things have been set back a little for me now medically, I trust that everything is falling into place the way that it is supposed to, whether it's what I'm most comfortable with or not. I think God knows our needs better than we do ourselves sometimes. He has a better plan for us than we can make for ourselves. Even though my 18th birthday didn't turn out how I had hoped it would, it didn't turn out how i feared it would either. It turned out exactly how it should; how I needed it to.

Today, I find freedom in friendship and love.
Today, I find freedom in celebration of life and what it brings us. 
Today, I find freedom in Always. Being. Happy.

Freedom in Hope.

Recently in December I came home from a trip and noticed I had a lump on my chest. It wasn't painful so I didn't pay it too much attention. I eventually mentioned it to my parents though, and my Mom and I came to the conclusion that it was most likely a fluid build up and weren't really that concerned. My Dad on the other hand, was a little more concerned and wanted to get it checked out. My Mom and I talked him into waiting a few weeks to see if it would go away and that if it didn't, than we'd consult a physician about it. Four weeks passed and I began to lose weight for no reason and had a lack of appetite and couldn't eat much. The lump still wasn't gone so we scheduled an appointment with an imaging clinic to have an ultra sound done. Last Friday morning I went to the imaging clinic and sat down with an ultrasonographer to have the ultra sound. After the Dr. looked over the images from my ultra sound, she explained to me that it was not a fluid build up but actually a tumor. She proceeded to tell me that it's called a Phyllodes tumor. A Phyllodes tumor is a very rare and aggressive tumor that usually occurs in older women. (Phyllodes tumors are so rare that they make up a little less than 1 % of all breast cancer tumors.) She explained that mine is about 2 centimeters larger than the average tumor and is very aggressive, and because of that I will need to get it surgically removed as soon as this week, at the very latest this weekend. They have yet to know if my tumor is malignant (cancerous) or benign (not cancerous). Whether it be cancerous or not will be determined after lab results return from a biopsy I will be receiving tomorrow morning. Because this tumor is so rare, if it is malignant, they will have a second pathologist review it under a microscope to confirm it. The reason why they are moving so quickly to surgically remove it is because even if it is benign, the tumor will soon be malignant because of how large it is and how quickly it is growing. This all came as a big shock to me because I had completely ruled out the option of it being a tumor because I am so young. I have had the weekend to collect my thoughts. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the events that will take place this week and what the future holds for me, but I'm very confident that things will all turn out for the better. Whatever comes my way through all of this I am prepared to look at it straight on and continue moving forward with a smile. I will not allow fear or doubt to break my high spirits. Most people get tattoo's for their 18th birthday, not tumors. But you know what? I'll have a pretty rockin' scar by the end of this week, so I think that's close enough. :)

Today, I find freedom in comfort and confidence that I believe has been given to me by the Lord. Today, I find freedom in my belief that the will of God, will never take a person, where the grace of God, won't protect them.

The Freedom Blog

My name is Cin and whether they be physical freedoms, spiritual freedoms, or emotional freedoms; this blog is inspired by my daily experiences and the freedom that I find in them. Since this is my first post I'll explain a bit about my self. I'm Cin and as of tomorrow, I'll be 18 years old. (Yay!) I live in big beautiful Texas with my family, which consists of my 3 brothers, 2 sisters and parents, who are all my closest friend's and my backbone. I'm currently a senior in high school and work at an orthodontics office as an assistant. (And to be honest, I love every mintue of it.) As the new year has just begun one of my resolutions was to start this blog and write about and share the things that I find freedom in. So here it is, My Freedom Blog.

Today, I find freedom in being able to share my thoughts and experiences.